Wrote a simple Filipino poem during one of our GMF sessions on Freire. I can't remember the particular triggers, but in an instant, I was again grieving. It's primarily written in Tagalog, one of the major languages that make up what we call "Filipino." On the other hand, because of my volunteer work in ethnically rich Mindanao, I've become fond of some vocabulary words from other native languages. Hence my use of the word kapoy, a Bisaya word for "tired." Bisaya is primarily spoken in the Visayas region, the various island groups that make up the central part of the country. And because of shared cultural ties and migration, Bisaya is also widely spoken in Mindanao, the sourthernmost group of islands.
And so I again wonder about the need to "be" and to thrive in honor of one's vocation, and in honor of loved ones, whether those who are "fully present" or departed ones. Despite a seemingly lasting exhaustion. Perhaps, there will always be this meaningful tension. --- Medyo heart-tired. Ikaw ba? Quite heart-tired. How about you? Medyo pagod. Kinda tired. Paano ba ‘yan, habang buhay mananatili ang pagmamahal na ito? How can this be, that this love will remain for a lifetime? Nakakabigla minsan. Shocking at times. Kailangan 'di iiyak - ‘wag muna. Necessary to not cry - not for now. Adulting ang tawag dito. Adulting is what this is called. Compartmentalization. Compartmentalization. Pag-uusapan daw muna si Freire. Someone said we have to talk of Freire first. Baka kahit papaano, may kalayaan dito. Maybe even by a margin, there is freedom here. Pero *pagoda talaga. Still just really tired. Kapoy kumbaga. Kapoy [Tired] basically. Ito lang kaya ko sabihin sa Bisaya. Pero ok lang ‘yan. This is the only thing I can say in Bisaya. But that's ok. Ano pa ba dapat sabihin bukod sa wala na siya? What else should be said but the fact that she's gone? -- *pagoda - a slang play on the Tagalog word pagód which means tired
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September 2022
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