Wrote a simple Filipino poem during one of our GMF sessions on Freire. I can't remember the particular triggers, but in an instant, I was again grieving. It's primarily written in Tagalog, one of the major languages that make up what we call "Filipino." On the other hand, because of my volunteer work in ethnically rich Mindanao, I've become fond of some vocabulary words from other native languages. Hence my use of the word kapoy, a Bisaya word for "tired." Bisaya is primarily spoken in the Visayas region, the various island groups that make up the central part of the country. And because of shared cultural ties and migration, Bisaya is also widely spoken in Mindanao, the sourthernmost group of islands.
And so I again wonder about the need to "be" and to thrive in honor of one's vocation, and in honor of loved ones, whether those who are "fully present" or departed ones. Despite a seemingly lasting exhaustion. Perhaps, there will always be this meaningful tension. --- Medyo heart-tired. Ikaw ba? Quite heart-tired. How about you? Medyo pagod. Kinda tired. Paano ba ‘yan, habang buhay mananatili ang pagmamahal na ito? How can this be, that this love will remain for a lifetime? Nakakabigla minsan. Shocking at times. Kailangan 'di iiyak - ‘wag muna. Necessary to not cry - not for now. Adulting ang tawag dito. Adulting is what this is called. Compartmentalization. Compartmentalization. Pag-uusapan daw muna si Freire. Someone said we have to talk of Freire first. Baka kahit papaano, may kalayaan dito. Maybe even by a margin, there is freedom here. Pero *pagoda talaga. Still just really tired. Kapoy kumbaga. Kapoy [Tired] basically. Ito lang kaya ko sabihin sa Bisaya. Pero ok lang ‘yan. This is the only thing I can say in Bisaya. But that's ok. Ano pa ba dapat sabihin bukod sa wala na siya? What else should be said but the fact that she's gone? -- *pagoda - a slang play on the Tagalog word pagód which means tired
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Context: This is the second part of "Mahabang Hugot." In Filipino, mahaba is the adjective form of "long," while hugot is slang that can be figuratively translated as "a rant from the inside." Like the firs part, I wrote this as a reflective take on why Filipinas/nos should vote for the entirety of our ethnically diverse nation. As I initially posted this on Facebook and in Filipino, it's therefore a relatively "long rant." Personally, it was timely that as our nation was undergoing its national rollercoaster ride during our May 2022 national elections, I was in the middle of my GMF journey. I was trying to navigate myself within the multiplicity of truths and injustices my nation was struggling with, in addition to trying to remain sane amidst the violence of divisiveness and populism. My piece entitled "When Love Becomes a Choice" published on my Facebook page last 31st of May is actually my final and third "long rant" regarding the elections. Though I see the differences in how I process my thoughts and feelings prior to and as we wrap up our GMF journey, Facebook is my main medium to share about my reflections as it remains as one of the fronteirs in our battle for democracy and truth. In connection, I'm still yet to finish Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed. One thing that I truly enjoy from him though is that true "radicals" are those who end up really with the people. Basically, radicals are the antithesis of secterianist and populist actors. "Mahabang Hugot Part 2" seeks to at least give a glimpse to some of the most horid injustices against Mindanao and Moros, or Filipino Muslims based in Mindanao, the southern group of islands of the nation. It is in remembering our history and building our common humanity across regions and borders that we'd be closer to emancipation. There is neither love nor compassion in collective ignorance and superficial safety. Mahabang Hugot Part 2: For Loved Ones Mahabang Hugot Part 2 of 2: Para sa Mga Minamahal *Trigger Warning - The words and sources used can be quite graphic as these narrate some of the violences experienced under Martial Law, especially in Mindanao. But it is necessary to go back to history. A Meaningful and Freeing Ramadan and Holy Week. *Trigger Warning - Medyo graphic ang mga salita at sources dahil nilalahad ang ibang mga karahansan sa ilalim ng Martial Law, mas lalo na sa Mindanao. Pero kailangan balikan ang kasaysayan. Isang Makabuluhang at Mapagpalayang Ramadan at Holy Week. -- I think it's timely to write this simple "letter of love and loss," not just because of the upcoming #2022Elections, it is also because it's #HolyWeek wherein Christians are being called to reflect, and above all else, it's because it's the Holy Month of #Ramadan for our Muslim sisters and brothers [1]. It's really timely to reflect on the past in order to be more aware of the present. Napapanahon para sa’kin maisulat ang simpleng “liham ng pagmamahal at kasawian” na ito, hindi lamang dahil malapit na ang #Eleksyon2022, dahil din ito ay #HolyWeek kung saan tinatatawag ang mga Kristyano magnilay, at bukod sa lahat, dahil Banal na Buwan ng #Ramadan ng ating mga kapatid na Muslim. Napapanahon talaga ang pagbabalik-tanaw sa nakaraan upang maging mas mulat sa kasalukuyan. Just like any other Filipino, our Muslim brothers and sisters have their right to be listened to, and to be included within the political discourse. Despite their active participation, we are unable to notice this in our everyday lives in the Philippines, especially in NCR (the National Capital Region). During 2018-2019, I loved and was loved immensely in Tawi-Tawi when I crossed paths with my Moro friends and students. I came to realize the simple expresison of love through presence and trust. And other than siyanglag [2] and mounds of delicious food, cups of hot sweet coffee; I was full of care, laughter, and the breathtaking sea, and stories shared under the stars. Kagaya ng sinomang Pilipino, may karapatan ang ating mga kapatid na Muslim na mapakinggan at isali sa politikal na diskurso. Bagamat lubos ang kanilang pakikilahok, hindi natin ito nararamdaman sa pang-araw-araw na buhay sa Pilipinas, mas lalo na sa NCR. Noong 2018-2019, nagmahal at minahal ako nang lubos sa Tawi-Tawi nang makadaupang-palad kami ng aking mga kaibigan at estudyanteng Moro. Mas namulat ako sa mga simpleng ekspresyon ng pagmamahal sa pamamagitan ng presensya at tiwala. At bukod sa siyanglag at katerbang masasarap na pagkain, tasa-tasa ng mainit at matamis na kape; binusog ako sa aruga, tawa, nakakapigil-hiningang karagatan, at mga kwento sa ilalim ng mga bituin. Other than these, I came to realize my responsibility as a member of "Imperial Manila" - one of the heirs of imperialism within the nation, especially during Martial Law by the former president Ferdinand Marcos. I was shaken when I found out about the truths regarding the massacres that happened during Martial Law of the late dictator, in addition to the fear of Moro communities during the reign of former president Gloria Arroyo. How come these barely reached most of us here in Metro Manila and into the history books of our schools? Bukod sa mga ito, nalaman ko ang aking responsibilidad bilang isang miyembro ng “Imperial Manila” – ang isa sa mga tagapagtaguyod ng tradisyon ng pananakop sa bansa, mas lalo na noong Martial Law ng dating pangulo na si Ferdinand Marcos. Nangyanig ako nang malaman ang katotohanan tungkol sa mga massacre na nangyari noong Martial Law ng yumaong diktador, pati rin ang takot ng mga Moro na komunidad noong panahon ng dating pangulong Gloria Arroyo. Bakit halos hindi ito nakararating sa karamihan sa amin dito sa Metro Manila at sa mga history books ng ating paaralan? But just to focus on the Martial Law under Marcos Sr., these are some of the massacres that happened. I might not be able to put in how many have been killed so that the numbers wouldn't be the primary basis (at times we forget that each number stands for a priceless life), just kindly click the sources in this post. - 1986 Jabidah Massacre, Corregidor - 1974 Malisbong Massacre, Sultan Kudarat - 1977 Tictapul Massacre, Zamboanga City - 1983 Tong Umapo, Tawi-Tawi; etc. Pero para lamang sa Martial Law ni Marcos Sr., ito ang iba sa mga massacre na nangyari. Hindi ko man malagay kung ilan ang pinatay para hindi naka-base sa numero lang (minsan nakakalimutan natin na bawat numero ay mahalagang buhay), paki-click na lang ang sources sa post na ito. - 1986 Jabidah Massacre, Corregidor - 1974 Malisbong Massacre, Sultan Kudarat - 1977 Tictapul Massacre, Zamboanga City - 1983 Tong Umapo, Tawi-Tawi; atbp. There are many different forms of "conquest" and killings against the Moro. We also have much to learn about the vile killings against our Lumad sisters and brothers in Mindanao who continue to stand up for their community and the environment. Marami pang iba’t ibang uri ng “pananakop” at pagpaslang laban sa mga Moro. Marami pa tayong dapat matutunan din sa karumal-dumal na pagpaslang sa ating mga kapatid na Lumad sa Mindanao na patuloy din na naninindigan para sa kanilang komunidad at kalikasan. I might not come from elite nor political circles, but ever since I cried and dearly loved Mindanao, I knew that it came with a certain responsibility as someone who loved my community in Mindanao. This is because I long to go back to Mindanao at the right time, and because there is no scarcity of kindness and beauty in Mindanao, along with our Muslim and Lumad sisters and brothers. I came to understand that #NeverForget and #NeverAgain against the Marcoses is not a hate campaign. Not forgetting and the continued fight for truth is one way of honoring the departed heroines and heroes [3], and asking forgiveness from the generations who have been slain under Martial Law whom those in power forcefully try to forget. Hindi man ako mula sa kampo ng mga elitista at politiko, mula nang napaiyak ako at lubos na napamahal sa’kin ang Mindanao, nalaman ko na may nakaakibat na responsabilidad sa akin bilang isang taong nagmahal sa komunidad ko sa Mindanao. Ito ay dahil ninanais ko makabalik sa Mindanao sa tamang panahon, at dahil walang kakulangan ng kabutihan at kagandahan sa Mindanao, kasama na ang ating mga kapatid na Muslim at Lumad. Nalaman ko na ang #NeverForget at #NeverAgain laban sa mga Marcos ay hindi hate campaign. Ang hindi pagkalimot at ang patuloy na paglaban para sa katotohanan ay isang uri ng pagpupugay para sa mga yumaong bayani, at paghihingi ng tawad mula sa mga henerasyon na pinaslang sa ilalim ng Martial Law na pilit kinakalimutan ng mga makapangyarihan. Apart from these, if I were to keep quiet, how would I be ever able to look my former students and friends in the eye? My conscience can't take it and like I've previously posted - one cannot stop one's self from being good, even if it were difficult, once one has loved. And I still love them, and I'm still truly grateful to all of them. Bukod doon, kung mananahimik ako, paano ko matitingnan sa mata ang mga dati kong mga estudyante at mga kaibigan? Hindi kakayanin ng konsensya ko at kagaya ng naunang post ko – hindi pwede pigilan ang sarili maging mas mabuti, kahit mahirap, kapag nagmahal. At mahal ko parin sila, at lubos parin ako nagpapasalamat sa kanilang lahat. I am also putting this here as I am coming to find out that though many Bangsamoro youth remain strong against histrocal revisionism, there are others who are forgeting already. Other than that, there are still many coming from NCR who have a narrow view towards Mindanao. Nilalagay ko rin ito dahil nalalaman ko na kahit maraming mga Bangsamoro youth ang nanatiling matatag laban sa historical revisionism, may mga ibang nakakalimot na. Bukod doon, marami parin sa NCR ang makitid ang tingin sa Mindanao. This 2022, it is now evident that even powerful clans in Mindanao who could have been expected to fight for historical justice and true healing healing in Mindanao are ready to forget the widespread killings during Martial Law under Marcos Sr. Why? Because of the establishment and/or acceptance of the "UniTeam" alliance. Ngayon 2022, lumabas ang katotohanan na kahit ang mga makapangyarihang angkan sa Mindanao na aakalain ay ipaglalaban ang historical justice at totoong paghilom sa Mindanao ay handa kalimutan ang malawakang pagpaslang noong Martial Law ni Marcos Sr. Bakit? Dahil sa pagtatag at/o pagtanggap sa alyansang “UniTeam.” This 2022, may our prayers and votes be for the entire nation: Mindanao, Visayas and Luzon. With sincere listening, questioning and solidarity with those who are struggling and thirsty for justice, we would be able to see that the first step for a more humane, more loving and inclusive elections are #NeverForget and #NeverAgain. Ngayon 2022, nawa’y ang pagdarasal at pagboto natin ay para sa buong bansa: Mindanao, Visayas at Luzon. Sa tamang pakikinig, pagtatanong at pakikibahiga kasama ang mga mahihirap at uhaw sa hustisya, makikita natin ang unang hakbang para sa mas makatao, mas mapagmahal at inclusive na eleksyon ay ang #NeverForget at #NeverAgain. Sources: VERA FILES FACT SHEET: Palimbang massacre and Marcos’ other transgressions against the Bangsamoro 11,103 Documentary Trailer 11,103: Kuwento ng Malisbong Massacre Rappler: At least 23 dead in Jolo Cathedral bombing ABSCBN News: 2 dead, 4 hurt in Zamboanga mosque blast Translation notes:
[1] Muslim sisters and brothers - I opted to translate it this way but the original Filipino is "kapatid" which is a gender-inclusive word for "sibling" [2] Siyanglag - Fried grated cassava with coconut, an alternative to rice which is a staple especially in the north [3] Departed heroines and heroes - Translated it this way but the original Filipino is "mga yumaong bayani." Bayani is the gender-inclusive word for "hero" I wrote this piece to process my recent fieldwork to Manila North Cemetery, one of the oldest and biggest cemeteries in Metro Manila. Despite the resilience of urban poor communities who have either "chosen" or were forced to make a living in the cemetery grounds, I was primarily bothered by the overwhelming injustices that plague us - the supposedly "living." What are we to make of the fact that we're so transient yet undeniably called to do what we can for a more just and loving world? Memento Mori. Remember Her. We should think of death more often. What's more humbling than to know that however old we’d get, or how high up the ladder we’d go, we will still spend most of our lives “dead,” or on the other side of Ether? Of course there are still possibilities of nothingness and reincarnation waiting (depends on who’s doing the existential questioning). We celebrate or mourn our years away, all but a fragment of the life-giving yet unforgiving wonder of the cosmos. Personally, I believe there’s “Something” waiting on the other side. If not, what else are we to do with the gut-wrenching beauty of this Design? Or the stubbornness of Love within and beyond lifetimes? Personally still, I wonder if I’d ever reach that state of Grace: to welcome Death as my supposed Sister? In about the right number of years, all grand mausoleums and modest markers long to crumble into dust – just like the bones of their supposed owners. Who then owns in death and who was owned in life? And our love story, seeming so unconventional, is but a repeat and reversal of those who’ve gone ahead. Love echoes, you see. It refuses to be original – It refuses to be mortal. One would think the unpredictable finiteness of life makes it evident: Live now. Love always. Forgive. How can we leave spaces of indifference and limit our lives to temporal and yes, selfish safety? It’s because we’ve forgotten Death. And in return, turned our back on Life. |
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